I will leave my mark on this world.

Maybe not in the form of a grand gesture, but by a simple act of rebellion.

I will vow to remain soft and kind in the face of rage and sorrow.

I will choose to look past the hardened,

scar tissue covered surfaces.

To bear witness to the tenderness which lies underneath all of the hurt.

You see, I believe we are all born good.

When we enter this world, we are born pure and untarnished.

But as we walk this earth

and experience human life,

we encounter unforgiving amounts of pain.

Sometimes the wounds we endure

feel overbearing.

Sometimes it turns us into people we never truly meant to be.

We believe the act of isolation and self preservation keeps us from experiencing the unbearable pain we’ve once felt.

We cling on to a silver coated armor

in order to keep us feeling

safe from any hurt we once felt

but what we fail to realize is,

withholding ourselves from being seen ironically forces us to experience an entirely different world of pain.

The very moment we sever ourselves from the outside world in the name of self preservation, is the very moment we attach ourselves to fear, which is a steadfast way to constant suffering.

We must allow our hearts to remain open.

We must allow ourselves to be seen.

For we are not really living

if we do not dare to show ourselves to the world, whole, and as we are.

I trace the lines of my cheeks as I wash my face every night.

I have high cheekbones,

just like my mother.

I had to tell myself that I knew exactly who I was, and that the world is indeed black and white, because if not I spiral.

There becomes too many options, too many variations of who I am and who I can possibly be. How do I know which one is right and which one is wrong?

There isn’t.

A life without bounds is a life which terrifies me.

Sometimes

I want to go back to the old me.

I wish to wrap my old,

shrunken skin around myself.

To bury my face

in the familiarity

of where I’ve been.

But I know this

is not the place I

am meant to stay.

I know there is

new skin for me to grow into.

What I would do to

be the rose you choose.

You could pluck me from my stem.

From the very roots that give me life.

You can put me in a little box,

and hide me away,

save me for the days

you feel lonely.

For I will be there,

waiting.

And in those moments

when you do return,

You never stay long.

You always just take

a few of my petals

and poof,

you are gone.

By the next time you see me,

I’ll be only a stem.

I have no more of myself to give.

Will you lose interest in me then?

There is no secret to life.

There is no magic formula to success

or self actualization.

There is simply you,

and the commitment you make with yourself.

What lengths will you go to for your dreams?

How honest will you promise to be this day forward.

Lots of us either haven’t done the introspection because it’s too painful,

too intimating,

or maybe because it is just easier to stay within our old ways.

And the rest of us are just scared.

We’re scared to acknowledge our truth, because that would mean something must change.

Once you have an awareness to something, you can’t un-discover it.

You can either ignore it

and let the truth gnaw at you until you can’t take it anymore,

Or you can change.

Both are uncomfortable,

Which is why most people choose to ignore their problems.

They go about their lives without any questioning of anything.

What do you choose for yourself?

When I go out, I always make it a point to sit at the highest table I can find.

The chairs we sit on rarely allow our feet to float above the ground. Our heels are always firmly planted on the pavement.

The day the tips of my toes were finally able to touch the floor without needed to sink down into my seat was the very day I finally realized I was growing up.

Now all I want to do is kick my feet back and forth like I did as child.

Some times I want to sit without being able to feel the earth beneath me.

But just for a second before my soles are called back to the concrete.